Today in a press release issued by the son and designated successor of Oral Roberts,
Anal Roberts said, "It’s a sad day when the Republican Party can’t put forward a viable Presidential candidate who isn’t either a divorcee, the victim of recruitment by one of those ‘faggot hop-heads’ or a Mormon. On the other hand we are encouraged by General Peter Pace’s firm stand on the obvious immorality of homosexuality as well as by recent developments in Texas. For those of you who haven’t been following the news, the residents of that fine little hamlet of Trailer Springs, Texas have recently voted to rename their town Straight, Texas and have also voted in by overwhelming numbers a new city charter that makes illegal the sale of property to Mormons, Jews and homosexuals. We believe this is the first step in a larger cultural conflict wherein the good Christian people of America finally take seriously the war on Christianity." Although U.S. Representative Sam Johnson of Texas’ Third Congressional District had no immediate comment, sources close to him have reportedly confirmed that he has, in a private meeting with President Bush, offered to fly the plane himself to nuke both Syria and that "Sodomite District of Nancy Pelosi’s."